2. Miscellaneous Blither

Numb: 1
Title:Inaugural Blither
From: KIWI
Date: 07-12-85  Time:04;39

If you lose your mittens, you won't get no pie!




Ack Blikka Splim!




Coke is 6.023 * 10^23 times as good as Pepsi!




KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI

[The above was the first blitheration ever posted.  --Kiwi]

Numb: 2
Title:Memorial
From: KRILL
Date: 07-12-85  Time:05;46

The following song is dedicated to Ralph the Rotifer (b.1982-d.1982), a warm an
d kind soul, may he rest in peace.

                THE UNFINISHED ODE TO RALPH THE ROTIFER

Let's all sing about rotifers, rotifers, rotifers,
Let's all sing about rotifers,
'Cause rotifers are nice.

Rotifers don't sing about you, sing about you, sing about you,
Rotifers don't sing about you,
'Cause rotifers can't sing.

But if rotifers could sing, could sing, could sing,
If rotifers could sing,
They still wouldn't sing about you.

'Cause rotifers don't know about you, know about you, know about you,
Rotifers don't know about you,
Because they're not too bright.

But if rotifers knew about you, knew about you, knew about you,
If rotifers knew about you,
They still wouldn't sing about you.

'Cause rotifers don't care about you, care about you, care about you,
Rotifers don't care about you,
Because they just don't care.

But if rotifers did care, did care, did care,
If rotifers did care,
They still wouldn't sing about you...

Because they'd just be murdered in cold blood by some heartless science teacher
before they got a chance, like poor Ralph was. He was too young to die!
 What did he ever do to that teacher anyway?  Ralph was too good
for such a fate!  He was destined for bigger and better things, not
some cruel death in a petri dish!  Please! Give generously to the
A.S.P.C.R. It can't bring Ralph back, but it may prevent the same fate from
befalling one of his kin.

ROTIFERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







                                                    Krill


Numb: 3
Title:The Sea
From: KIWI
Date: 07-23-85  Time:04;33


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Numb: 4
Title:L'la l'lokum bloke!
From: KIWI
Date: 07-27-85  Time:05;43

Lokum Blokum Blikkum Blee;
If you lose your mittens,
You will pay a fee.

Lokum Blokum Blikkum Blee;
If you lose your mittens,
I will write "The Sea!"

To the tune of Copland's "Fanfare to the Common Man":

Lo.....kum.....bloke!     Blikkum Blee.....    Loke, Bloke, Blik, Um, Blee...

                                                                --Kiwi

Numb: 5
Title:Blither
From: KRILL
Date: 08-18-85  Time:13;54

<<<*          ////<>>* /     ^^^? No! He didn't know how!

                                       --Krill

P.S. Sorry to all you people that can't display the entire ASCII character
set. I'm afraid that you all missed out on a rather superb blitheracious joke,
if I must say so myself.

P.P.S. For all those people that can display the entire ASCII character set,
this is how those other people read that joke:

<<<*          ////<>>* /     ^^^? No! He didn't know how!

Numb: 6
Title:I can't wait...
From: KRILL
Date: 09-01-85  Time:05;07

Well, until the Lyrics board goes up, we will have to post here.

DUH! DUH! DISCO DUH!
I be DUH!
Be you DUH?
Yea! We be DUH!!!
We be some DUH dudes!
Why be we DUH?
We be so DUH, that we be DUH!
Ah HUH!!! We be DUH!!!
How DUH be we?
We be so DUH, that we be DUH!
Where be we DUH?
We be so DUH, that we duh not know!
Who be DUH?
Goto line #2, and repeat this loop forever, and when you're through, start
over from the start.
In case anybody is wondering: No, I didn't learn this song from a rotifer.


                                                Krillvs Ultima Rex
                                                Ralphvs Ultima Dei

Numb : 7
Title: Interactive Blither
From : KIWI
Date : 09-07-85
Time : 03;39

You are standing outside a low-cost, low-quality Scottish restaurant.
Mentally retarded children play on large outdoor sculptures of hamburger
people and enormous french fries while listening to a 110 dB cacophony of
ceaseless drum-beats, novice electric guitar players, and songs where every
syllable is sung to the same note, which emanates from a 2000 lb. ghetto
blaster.  The windows of the restaurant, to the east, are tinted, so you can't
see in.  Before you stands a pair of 20-foot tall golden arches.

>INVENTORY

You are carrying:
 Another God damn brass lantern.
 A dollar bill.
You are feeling hungry.

>LOOK AT ARCH

I don't know the word 'ARCH'.

>LOOK AT ARCHES

About two thirds of the way up, there is a sign.

>READ SIGN

It appears to be a paraphrase of Carl Sagan: "Billions and billions sold."

>GET ARCHES

Interesting idea...

Those sounds from the ghetto blaster are getting intolerable; let's go
somewhere else.

>EAT ARCHES

I don't think it would agree with you.

>KISS ARCHES

I'd sooner kiss Arthur Dent!

>LOOK UNDER ARCHES

There's nothing but Arthur Dent there.

>LICK ARCHES

I don't know the word 'LICK'.

>APPLY TONGUE TO ARCHES

I don't know the word 'APPLY'.

>PUT TONGUE ON ARCHES

I don't know the word 'TONGUE'.

>CLIMB ARCHES

Bizarre!

>SMASH ARCHES

What do you want to smash the 20-foot golden arches with?

>BILL

Which bill do you mean?  Your bird bill, or your dollar bill?

>BIRD

You must supply a verb!

>SMASH ARCHS WITH BIRD BILL

I don't know the word 'ARCHS'.

>SMASH ARCHES WITH BIRD BILL

How can you smash a 20-foot golden arches with your beak?

The noises from the 2000 lb. ghetto blaster have made you lose your appetite.
You feel nauseated.

>EAT ARCHES

You're not hungry.

>PUKE ON ARCHES

I don't know the word 'PUKE'.

>VOMIT ON ARCHES

Bleccccchhhhhh!  Ah, that's better.  Some of the children look at you with
disgust, others with admiration.

>RUB ARCHES

Numb : 8
Title: New Boards
From : KIWI
Date : 09-19-85
Time : 02;20

Monty Python board?  Dr. Who board?  Goodies board?  Why stop there?  Why not
special boards for all old English television shows?  A Prisoner board!  An
Avengers board!  A Secret Agent board!  A Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin
board!  A Good Neighbors board!  An Ascent of Man board!  (Mr. Dude and his
kind probably wouldn't care for that one.)  An I, Claudius board!  (What, you
never heard of artistic license?)

But why stop there?  Why not have individual boards for the individual actors
on those programs?  A John Cleese board!  Special boards for every person who
ever portrayed Dr. Who!  A Bill Oddie board!  A Patrick McGoohan board!  A
Malcolm McDowell board!  (Well, he IS an actor and he IS English...)

But why this favoritism toward TV shows?  Why not boards for English authors?
A Tolkien board!  A Shakespeare board!  A Chaucer board!  An Eric Blair board!
(The original name of George Orwell)  A David Singmaster board!  A C.S.
Lewis board!  An A.E.J. Elliott, O.B.E. board!

But why this favoritism toward England?  Why not boards for every single
country on Earth?  We have the space!  A Zimbabwe board!  A Mozambique board!
An Ivory Coast board!  A New Zealand board!  A Kataalit Nunaat board!  (That's
the new name of Greenland, for those of you who haven't been reading the
Current Events board.)  A Bourkina Fasso board!  (And that's the new name of
Upper Volta.)

But why such favoritism toward this planet?  How about a local supergroup
board?  Naah, some retardos would probably think it had to do with rock bands
from Columbus.

But--but--but what's necessarily so good about thinking on such a large
scale?  Why not have special boards for each sub-atomic particle?  A kaon
board (but NOT a koan board!)!  A neutrino board!  A pi-meson board!  No,
that's TOO small...

How about we have different boards dedicated to different acts of depravity?
Arthur Dent should like that.  A homosexual incest board!  An infanticide
board!  A sodomy board!  A voting for Dick Celeste board!  An all-upper case
board!  A 40-column board!  A bad puns like the previous one board!  An
arguing-about-what's-an-act-of-depravity-and-what's-not board!

And how could we live without special boards devoted to bodily fluids?  A
plasma board!  A phlegm board!  A cerebro-spinal fluid board!  A saliva
board!  A bile board!  A urine board!  A pus board!

Oh!  I almost forgot, a board ... 



                                But wait!



YES--An unresolved chord board!

                                                        --Kiwi

Numb : 9
Title: Disk
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 10-12-85
Time : 10;07

     ------------------------
     [                      ]
     [            --------  ]
     [            [ blue ]  ]
     [            [ adept] [
     [            --------  ]
     [                      ]
     [        *****         ]
     [       *******        ]
     [       *******  *     ]
     [        *****         ]
     [                      ]
     [         ***          ]
     [         ***          ]
     [         ***          ]
     [         ***          ]
     ------------------------

Numb : 10
Title: Drive
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 10-22-85
Time : 00;45

For all those who picked up on the
free software I posted here earlier:


     **************
     *             *
     **   --------  *
     * *   --------  *
     *  *   --------  *
     *   *             *
     *    *    *****    *
     *     *    *        *
      *     *    *****    *
       *     *             *
        *     ***************
         *    *             *
          *   *   ********  *
           *  *   *      *  *
            * *   ********  *
             **             *
              ***************

The C is for Commodore.

Numb : 11
Title: Blither Quiz
From : KIWI
Date : 11-04-85
Time : 05;02

Can you match the blitheration to the blitherer?  Send your answers to me in
E-mail.  (Print this out on an 80-column printer; the text is in two columns.)

----- Blitherations -------------------------- Blitherers --------------------
                                       |
A. Kids are kids, kids are kids it's   | 1. Kool-Aid's advertising agency.
true.                                  |
                                       | 2. Ayn Rand.
B. You really must meet my lawyer,     |
he has halitosis.                      | 3. Kiwi.
                                       |
C. Lokum Blokum Blikkum Blee.          | 4. Lee Cronin.
                                       |
D. Brain and brain!  What is brain!?   | 5. Monty Python.
                                       |
E. Don't compress any wooden nickels.  | 6. Martin Niemoeller.
                                       |
F. ...and that, my lord, is how we     | 7. Krill.
know the Earth to be banana-shaped.    |
                                       | 8. Mae West.
G. ...and by that time, no one was     |
left to speak up.                      | 9. Jimmy Durante.
                                       |
H.                                     | 10. e e cummings
                                       |
I. Beulah, peel me a grape.            | 11. Alan Jay Lerner.
                                       |
J. Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever | 12. William Shakespeare.
you are.                               |
                                       | 13. William Henry Harrison.
K. nobody, not even the rain has such  |
      small hands                      | 14. John Quincy Adams.
                                       |
L. The rain in Spain stays mainly in   | 15. John Quincy Adams' pet dog Bobo.
the plain.                             |
                                       | 16. Warren Gamaliel Harding's pet dog
M. Something is rotten in ... Denmark. |     John Quincy.
                                       |
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not all the blitherers listed were responsible for any of the blitherations
listed.

                                                             --Kiwi

Numb : 12
Title: Death to Baby Seals!
From : KIWI
Date : 11-30-85
Time : 01;33

Kill 'em 'afore they reproduce!  Crush their tiny little skulls with baseball
bats!  Burn them alive until dead, and then burn them dead until alive!  And
then impale them with railroad spikes, and tie their kidneys to the tallest
tree in the forest!

                                                                  --Kiwi

P.S. Oh yes, and hang 'em by their nostrils from their kidneys!

Numb : 13
Title: TO SERVE MANKIND
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 11-30-85
Time : 20;47

After trapping the wild human, let
it hang by its heels from a post
outside for a while to ripen.  Peel
off the outer protective layer of
artificial skin (sometimes called
'clothing') and discard.  Preheat
your oven to 450 degrees.  Place the
human in a deep roasting pan lined
with mushrooms, green peppers, and
onions.  Add tomatoes if desired.
Pour a mixture of melted butter and
pressed garlic over the human until
well coated.  Place a large apple
in the mouth and cover the pan with
aluminum foil, leaving one end up
to allow steam to escape.  Roast
the human for approximately six
hours, basting now and then with the
juices in the bottom of the pan.
When done, place human and vegetables
in a large serving platter and
serve with a red wine.

Bon appetit!


Numb : 14
Title: A word from our sponsor
From : KIWI
Date : 12-05-85
Time : 02;03

Eat Phlegmo Compressible Treats!  They're real good!

                                                                  --Kiwi

Numb : 15
Title: ls -u
From : KIWI
Date : 12-05-85
Time : 21;17

 856064  c:/compute/
#6.1           blither.def    divorce        mail.001       quiz
#6.2           blither.new    end            mail.zim       renum
#6.3           blither.nw2    eulogy         mexicans       rill
b11.001        blither.nw3    grammar        newb11         specule
b11.new        blither3       interact       newboard       spot
belboz.1       blue.1         kezia.1        pc-talk.def    tcblith.001
belboz.2       blue.2         kmail          pc-talk.dir    tcblith.002
blith          blue.3         kmail2         pc-talk.key    tcdebate
blith.new      blue.4         koan           pe.pro         tcmail
blither        blue.5         krill.1        phlegmo1       verm.1
blither.001    blue.6         leland.1       phlegmo2       verm.2
blither.002    cats           ls             politics       zimbob.1
blither.3      comptist       mail           python         zimbob.2
1122304 bytes left on drive c

Numb : 16
Title: Oh boy!
From : KRILL
Date : 12-05-85
Time : 21;40

type c:/compute/phlegmo1

Hmmm...  Didn't seem to work.  Let's try a different strategy.

pip me=c:/compute/*.*

Somehow I didn't think that would work.  I know!  I'll try the good old
Infocom approach.

Kiwi, tell me about c:/compute/

Oh Frobozz!!!!  I give up!

era c:/compute/*.*


Numb : 17
Title: MONITOR
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 12-08-85
Time : 01;48

This should work well with the Disk
Drive and Disk I sent you all a while
back:

     /------------------------/

I even loaded in a term program for
you already!

    -------------------------- !
    !                        ! !
    !  --------------------  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !   COMM-TERM 2.0  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  !                  !  ! !
    !  --------------------  ! !
    ! magnavox   V C B  ---  ! !
    !                   ---  ! !
    !                  power ! !
    --------------------------/
      !                     ! !
      -----------------------/


Numb : 18
Title: OOPS!
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 12-08-85
Time : 09;41

Looks like the monitor I sent you all
has its top off.  Just replace the top
onto the monitor and it should work
OK.

(This is an actual rendition of my
own monitor, by the way.  Say, I
almost typed 'my own minotaur' just
then.  Wonder if that means
something?)

Numb : 19
Title: Advice to Kittens
From : KIWI
Date : 12-18-85
Time : 10;54

If (no pun intended) you (no pun intended) lose (no pun intended) your (no pun
intended) mittens (no pun intended), you (no pun intended) won't (no pun
intended) get (no pun intended) no (no pun intended) pie (no pun intended).

                                                     --Kiwi (no pun intended)

Numb : 20
Title: Did Someone Say TREES?!?!?!
From : BELBOZ
Date : 12-26-85
Time : 02;02

I remember a true story about myself
and some moving trees one year. I will
try to explain the story as best I can.




There were many trees walking across
the street and mingling among
themselves.....some of them were even
decorated with lights.


I walked over to one tree and led him
towards a dark corner of the street.



Tree:What you want?

Belboz:Nothing.

Tree:Why is you here then?

Belboz:No reason

Tree:Ain't you gonna say somethin'?

Belboz:Oh yes I do remember something
I was going to say to you.

Tree:Well what it be?

Belboz:ETHNOCENTRISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


(Belboz waves his hands furiously
around the tree and shouts an
incantation every few minutes screams
ETHNOCENTRISM!)



A loud explosion and a streak of fire
streaks from Belboz's finger as the
tree burns violently.


Tree:Help!!!!

Belboz:(Evil laughter)

Tree:What ethnocentrism?



(Belboz removes a golden dagger and
starts slashing at the tree limbs
causing the fire to spread even more)



The tree finally dies in a horrible
death while other trees have walked
over to see where the smoke is coming
from as trees fear fire more than
anything.




(Belboz starts another chant and
somatic motions)

Belboz starts to vanish as the trees
stare in horror at the burned and
cut tree.

Just before Belboz is fully gone he
screams,"ETHNOCENTRISM".







                The End


I hope you enjoyed this little
Christmas story.(even if it is Dec.26)



============
>>>Belboz<<<
============

Numb : 21
Title: Blither Scrabble
From : BELBOZ
Date : 12-27-85
Time : 23;05



                 d
                 i
                 u
                 ralph
                 n
                waterchestnuts
                 l  a
                    d
          ETHNOCENTRISM
                    s e
                    h x
                      i
                      c
                      apteryx
                      n
                 lemons
                 i
                 m
                letters
                 s r
                   e
                   e
                   s























I have found this is the most
effective way of getting a high score
in Scrabble if you can find a better
one please let me know.

Also,if you know of a better a way to
prove to the other players that all
those words exist without threating
them please let me know.





============
>>>Belboz<<<
============

Numb : 22
Title: Cheater!!!
From : KRILL
Date : 12-28-85
Time : 12;38

You sniveling Belboz-type cheater!  You can't pull that old trick off on me.
I know that you know that I know that 'hx' isn't a word.

                                                   Krill

Numb : 23
Title: It IS a word!
From : MICHAEL BURTON
Date : 12-28-85
Time : 19;18

Hx is a word.  It's recursive, and means, "hoax."
Thank Ralph and/or Kiwi for the principle of recursion!


Numb : 24
Title: A call to arms
From : KRILL
Date : 01-22-86
Time : 05;10

How much longer can this BBS survive under the iron-fist of its dictator?  Are
we users going to continue to take this constant abuse?  Will we ever have a
leader that can put a stop to this Bill drivel?  We have reached the point
where our only recourse is violent coup.  In the name of Ralph, I issue a
call to arms (or cilia, as the case may be), and declare revolution!  Rally
'round the flag, one and all, and we shall oust The Computist from his
dictatorial throne.  We shall end the tyranny of the dictatorship, and in its
place, shall proclaim a rotatorship!  And as we march, we shall cry:


               "Give us rotisseries, or we'll do bad, bad things to you!"


                                                      Krill

Numb : 25
Title: V'ger
From : MICHAEL BURTON
Date : 02-23-86
Time : 18;19

   I got one of those $699 satellite antennas out at Sun TV, and the stupid
jerks installed the dang thing wrong!
   I was thinking that Miss February didn't look nearly as nice on the Playboy
Channel as she did in the magazine, and it turns out I've been looking at the
unusual topography of one of the moons of Uranus.  My satellite dish was
picking up signals from Voyager!
   The really wierd data didn't start coming in until after the spacecraft had
flown past Uranus.  Then I started getting stuff like this:

Numb: 26
Title:Inaugural Blither
From: KIWI
Date: 07-12-85  Time:04;39

If you lose your mittens, you won't get no pie!




Ack Blikka Splim!




Coke is 6.023 * 10^23 times as good as Pepsi!




KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI~IWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIK~~IKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI
KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIW~KIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWIKIWI


   (There seems to have been some sunspot interference in the latter part of
that transmission.)
   There has been lots of other wierd stuff, since.  I suspect something is
broken now -- I keep getting nothing but tildes.
   I guess we can draw several conclusions from this startling discovery:

1.  There is not much, if any, intelligent life in this solar system.

2.  Blither permeates this solar system, and may permeate the entire universe.

3.  Blither is slower than light, but faster than the Voyager.

4.  If you want some pie, dump them mittens pronto.

5.  If you put a "frame" around the stuff you plagiarize, it isn't plagiarism.

6.  (Tentative)  Tildes go on forEVER.

Numb : 27
Title: DP chats with famous people I
From : DRAGON PRINCE
Date : 04-07-86
Time : 16;13





                 Dragon Prince chats with famous people Part I
                 ---------------------------------------------

D.P.: Hey, Uncle Remus, how have you been doing lately?

U.R.: Oh, I been doin' mighty fine, Mr. Prince, how 'bout yo'sef?

D.P.: Well, I'll tell you...Not too great, actually...and don't EVER call me
Prince again, or I'll rip your lungs out, okay?

U.R.: Sho' nuff, D.P. Make yo'self at home...

D.P.: In this dump? You've got to be kidding...Hey, I just stopped by to tell
you a story...a story about your old pal, Brer Rabbit...

U.R.: Brer Rabbit? Ah loves dat ole' floppy-eared scallywag, D.P.! An' if I
'member dat rascal, I bet he's a-cookin' up some mighty fine devilment, ain't
he?

D.P.: Oh, he sure is, Uncle Remus. You see, that old Brer Rabbit, he's hopping
down the road, off to steal somebody's chickens or something--God knows what.
Hippity-hoppity, etc...

U.R.: Ohhhh, let me guess! He's jus' a-hoppin' along on his merry way, when he
sees dis here Tarbaby, right D.P.? An' den Brer Rabbit, dat rascal, he jus'
march up to dat ole' Tarbaby, an' he...

D.P. (INTERRUPTING): Uh, excuse me Uncle Remus, this is MY story, and well,
there IS no Tarbaby...It was used to pave a parking lot somewhere...No, you
see, Brer Rabbit is just marching down that road, when suddenly, out jump Brer
Bear and Brer Fox...

U.R.: Ohhhhhh, ah knows what is agonna happen now D.P.! Dem der mean
crim'nals, dey threaten to skin Brer Rabbit alive, but dat crafty rabbit, he
say: "Skin me 'live, but don't throw me in dat der briar patch! Anythin' but
dat! So dey throws him in dat briar patch an' he gits away...

D.P.: Well, no, not quite, Uncle Remus. As a matter of fact, not even
close...You see, in MY story, they take his suggestion and skin him alive. You
know, the whole bit, cutting his ears away from the skull and everything...

U.R.: Oh, dat's jus' TERRIBLE, D.P.! An' den what happen?

D.P.: He died and they ate him.

U.R.: Dey et Brer Rabbit?!? Ohhhh, lawdy, lawdy...

D.P.: Yep...and carried his feet as lucky charms...The end.

U.R.: De end?? But D.P., what am de MORAL of yo' story???

D.P.: Why, there isn't any moral, Uncle Remus, just random acts of meaningless
violence...

U.R.: Oh no! Ah doan think ah likes dat, not one little bit, D.P.

D.P.: Oh, by the way...I found this out on the highway...(HOLDS UP DEAD BIRD)

U.R.: Why, D.P., it's de bluebird of happiness!

D.P.: Yeah, I had to peel it off the grill of my car...Put THAT on your
shoulder, buddy...

(D.P. GETS UP TO LEAVE)

U.R.: Ooooooh, lawdy, lawdy...

The end...

D.P.

Numb : 28
Title: Now a word from our sponsor...
From : PAUL ISAACS
Date : 04-09-86
Time : 15;59

     Good evening.  Have you been troubled by whining useless little whelps
clinging to your pant-leg in their distressful search for their dreg/scum
procreators that haven't the slightest idea how to keep their senseless little
sniviling, snot-encrusted, pre-degenerate rugrats from running off after the
first brightly colored object to come along.  Well if you have...have I got a
deal for you.

     Yes folks...it's, of course:


      :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                       T H E  C A T T L E P R O D
      :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

     Yes, you to may own one of these fully operational, certified genuine
cattle prods.  Just think of the enjoyment you will have seeing those
two-hundered and fifty volts of pure elctricity flow into and disrupt the body
functions of the annoying anklebiter of your choice.  Watch him run to his
Godforsaken parents screaming all the way ( that is if he can get up ).
And of course our Cattleprod is UL listed.

                                     It works great.....
                                                Farming Monthly

                                     A true joy to experience.....
                                                deSade Digest

                                     Everyone should have one.....
                                                Gene Siskel
                                                Chicago Tribune

     Order yours today...........




          ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
                     T H E  C A T T L E P R O D
          ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

                                           by  RONCO

Numb : 29
Title: BOB
From : THX-1138
Date : 04-18-86
Time : 18;47

"MY... MY... MY MOTHER'S NAME IS
 JUGHEAD..."

Numb : 30
Title: Err...
From : DRAGON PRINCE
Date : 04-18-86
Time : 20;14

"Um...I was thinking of changing it..."

D.P.