7. Zimbob
Numb : 1
Title: Zimbob
From : KIWI
Date : 01-01-86
Time : 23;46
What a BAD Zimbob.
--Kiwi
Numb : 2
Title: Improving the Zimbob
From : BELBOZ
Date : 01-02-86
Time : 03;46
Kiwi:If you wish to train your Zimbob
you must tell it why it is bad and how
it can be good. You can't just say
"BAD" and expect it to change into
what you want it to be.
Maybe you should study Pavlov's Zimbob
for better psychological training.
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 3
Title: BAD Zimbob!
From : KRILL
Date : 01-02-86
Time : 13;29
Don't worry, Belboz, Zimbob knows full well why he is such a BAD Zimbob. A
BAD, BAD, BAD, Zimbob! He's just chock full o' badness. In fact, he's the
root of all badness in the universe. Why just today he's done well more than
6.023 * 10^23 bad things. The number of times today that he hasn't given a
Coke to me is enough badness to last a normal person many lifetimes.
Krill
Numb : 4
Title: BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD
From : KIWI
Date : 01-02-86
Time : 16;47
What a
BBBBBB A DDDDD
B B A A D D
B B A A D D
BBBBBB AAAAAAA D D
B B A A D D
B B A A D D
B B A A D D
BBBBBB A A DDDDD
Zimbob!
--Kiwi
Numb : 5
Title: MACERONY AND CHEESE
From : EDIC
Date : 01-03-86
Time : 16;14
TRY THIS RECEPIE FOR MACERONY AND
CHEESE.
1) YOU BUY A BOX OF THIS STUFF
2) YOU PUT 5 CUPS OF WATER IN A PAN
3) THEN YOU STIR IN THE CHEESE SAUCE,
4 TEASPOONS OF BUTTER, AND 1/4
OF MILK.
4) YOU ADD THE NOODLES.
5) YOU STIR CONSTANTLY OVER A HOT
FLAME TILL RIGHT TEXTURE.
6) FEED IT TO ZIMBOB
EDIC
Numb : 6
Title: BAD Zimbob
From : KIWI
Date : 01-04-86
Time : 18;38
No Edic, don't feed anything to Zimbob until he learns his lesson and stops
being bad! BAD! B A D ! ! ! STARVE some sense into him!
--Kiwi
Numb : 7
Title: Kind of Bad
From : BELBOZ
Date : 01-05-86
Time : 02;30
Zimbob is kind of bad but he is
improving.
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 8
Title: BADness!
From : KIWI
Date : 01-05-86
Time : 17;48
No! Zimbob's getting worse with every passing chronon! Stop him before it's
too late!
--Kiwi
Numb : 9
Title: Donations needed
From : KRILL
Date : 01-06-86
Time : 00;58
The American Society for the Prevention of Badness needs your donations. All
donations will be used towards buying enough stamps to mail Zimbob to Kiribati.
Krill
Numb : 10
Title: Zimbob is BAD.
From : BELBOZ
Date : 02-02-86
Time : 10;45
Have YOU sent Zimbob a letter telling
him how BAD he is? It is the right
and responsibility of every user to
tell Zimbob that he is BAD. If you
are eighteen years old or will be
someday, send Zimbob a letter telling
him he's bad.
Its quick.
Its easy.
And its the LAW!
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 11
Title: A tabulation
From : KRILL
Date : 02-09-86
Time : 04;11
There are more than three bad things in the universe, and they're all Zimbob's
fault.
Numb : 12
Title: That's because...
From : BELBOZ
Date : 02-09-86
Time : 05;41
...Zimbob is BAD.
Real BAD.
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 13
Title: addendum
From : KRILL
Date : 02-09-86
Time : 19;42
I hear that he had a bit of help from Edic on some of them, though.
Numb : 14
Title: BAD Zimbob!
From : KRILL
Date : 02-10-86
Time : 03;28
Zimbob is far worse than a rotiferous lima bean.
Numb : 15
Title: More Comparisons to Zimbob
From : BELBOZ
Date : 02-10-86
Time : 06;10
Zimbob is worse than a decayed water
chestnut.
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 16
Title: Zimbob comparison to excess
From : BARRY STELLRECHT
Date : 02-10-86
Time : 12;23
Zimbob is worse than a compressed Bill the cat eating a lemon.
Barry S.
P.S. Get all your sacrilege together at once and offend everybody!
Numb : 17
Title: BUT BUT BUT
From : EDIC
Date : 02-10-86
Time : 17;17
BUT ZIMBOB IS GOOD. HE IS THE PUREST
FORM OF GOOD;THE HIGHEST ELEVATION OF
PERFECTION. TO A ZIN HE IS A MOUSE!
EDIC
Numb : 18
Title: Quantum Theory
From : KIWI
Date : 02-11-86
Time : 14;52
Badness is quantized! Also, there is a limit on how much badness can be
compressed into one place, and you guessed it: Zimbob is at that limit! This
also explains Zimbob's enormous mass, since the badness particle (the zimbon)
has a mass just a tad greater than the electron.
Note that this pioneering discovery makes accurate measurement of badness a
realizable possibility in our lifetime! Currently, researchers at Stanford
are attempting to measure the badness of Edic. It is thought that possibly
there is a root of root of badness, which would finally explain Edic's
eccentrities. (Maybe that's it! Maybe the zimbon is really an Edic particle
(as yet unnamed) revolving in a Keplerian ellipse, and the worse it is, the
greater the eccentricity of the ellipse. The only question is, what are at the
foci of the ellipse?)
--Kiwi
Numb : 19
Title: Which is Worse?
From : BELBOZ
Date : 02-13-86
Time : 08;57
Is Edic worse than Zimbob or are they
equal?
What if either Edic or Zimbob
encounter someone that is completely
good? How BAD would the explosion be?
I think I'll send Zimbob another
letter telling him how BAD he is.
============
>>>Belboz<<<
============
Numb : 20
Title: Zimbob
From : KRILL
Date : 02-13-86
Time : 10;16
I'd even go as far as to say that Zimbob is worse than calciferous ergosterol!
Numb : 21
Title: No no--you MISUNDERSTAND me!
From : KIWI
Date : 02-13-86
Time : 23;11
Zimbob has ALREADY reached the limit of badness! However, due to the fact
that the badness compression limit is less than (but not all that much less
than) the mass compression limit, though Zimbob is quite massive, his
gravitational field is not so immense that he creates an event horizon. At
first this may sound like a good thing, but I will leave it as an exercise to
the student to figure out why it is really a bad thing.
--Kiwi
Numb : 22
Title: Badness event horizon
From : MACRO MAN
Date : 02-14-86
Time : 20;49
It would be very bad if Zimbob became a Bad Hole because then he would be
SOOOOO bad, that not even any Unbadness could escape him! The world would
be sucked into Zimbob eventually (Hence the phrase 'Event' horizon). This
would, of course, have the effect of re-creating the cosmic egg we were all
hatched from. Only this egg would have a badness yoke instead of a goodness
yoke. You see the danger in this of course!
Lets all try to avoid this horror and give Zimbob all the goodness we can
spare. Only in this way will the world really be safe for the UnBad
everywhere!
Macro Man
Numb : 23
Title: In the Beginning....
From : BLUE ADEPT
Date : 02-15-86
Time : 00;35
I know this may seem fairly
unimportant compared with the Event
Horizons looming everywhere, but....
what started this 'Zimbob Badness'
thing anyway?
Numb : 24
Title: Let's see...
From : KRILL
Date : 02-15-86
Time : 03;41
I think that I first begin to suspect the magnitude of Zimbob's badness early
in the Spring of '24 when we were camped in the Jilf Al Kabir Plateau,
surrounded by marauding bedouins, and he declined to go on a Coke run to the
Kroger's at King and High for me.
Krill
Numb : 25
Title: Badness Nostalgia
From : KIWI
Date : 02-15-86
Time : 05;54
Ah, yes, I remember it well. Except you've got one detail wrong, there, Krill
ol' chap: Zimbob was supposed to go to the 7-11 on First and High. Well,
anyway, we armed Zimbob with a titanium-alloy quarterstaff given to us by some
time-travelers we'd met just moments before (they gave it to us out of
gratitude for rescuing them from the N-dimensional Rubik's Cube that was
bearing down on them in the Nth dimension, but anyway--) and he killed
bedouins right and left on his trek to the 7-11. They were shooting their
crude firearms at him from all directions, but he managed to block all the
bullets with his extraordinarily proficient staff-wielding. Several
ricocheted right back into the barrels of the guns that fired them! Without
sustaining a single injury, he made it to the 7-11 and then courageously
began the return journey. He wisely gave priority to the bullets headed
toward the Coke rather than the ones headed for his own body, knowing that if
anything happened to the Coke, the fate we'd have in store for him would be
far worse than any mere bullet-wound. After having both his eyes shot out, his
lungs punctured, both his legs broken, his right hand shattered beyond
recognition, and having soiled his medal of uncommon valour which
was bestowed on him by the then leader of the Bavarian Illuminati, Helen
Keller herself--still he fought on! Even in this state, he was able to
protect the Coke with the same efficacy during the remaining two-thirds of the
way back to camp, sustaining injuries so hideous that I dare not recount them
here lest I upset the ladies, he finally made it back, and with his dying
breath, delivered the Coke intact.
And can you believe this? He had bought WARM Coke instead of COLD!
Now THAT'S bad!
--Kiwi
Numb : 26
Title: Foolishness
From : ZIMBOB
Date : 02-16-86
Time : 12;29
Belboz, you fool, I am a great many times BADDER than that pitiful EDIC!
EDIC may be wretched, awful, lousy, terrible, incompetent, vile, compressible,
base, unsavory, abominable, chartreuse, communist, worthless, deplorable,
despicable, disdainful, nasty, monogamous, contemptible, onerous,
bothersome, and above all, ICKY--but he's not bad, or at least not as BAD as
me.
--Zimbob
Numb : 27
Title: I AM HERE!!!!
From : MACRO MAN
Date : 02-19-86
Time : 01;11
I AM HERE (as I said) AT LAST!
Yes, it is I, the Immortal Bobmiz! And I am here to do battle with that
ultimate bastion of badness, Zimbob.
Quake in your boots Zimbob, for I come for you! I will fight you until all
of the badness in you has been destroyed!
For years I have chased you, into the farthest corners of the universe and
beyond. I have followed you into the crowded void of Grath. I have run after
you through the quaking sands of Yomolia. And finally here, in the destitute
world of insignificant beings called 'Humans', I will do you in.
Prepare For Your Destruction, WIMP!
Azmiop glorple dangnon deraks,
yorg slewop vespog BLOTZ!
(For those of you unfamiliar with the finer workings of magic, I have just
sent a bolt of pure Anti-tachyons at Zimbob. It has a highly sophisticated
(if very slow) tracking system. When it hits, you better duck!)
Take that! And this!
Azmiop glorple dangnon deraks,
yorg slewop rasnig BLOTZ!
(And that was a bolt of blither that will knock his socks off.)
(His socks are the main collectors and dispersors of his badness.)
I await your surrender, slime.
Bobmiz
(The ultimate source of Goodness)
*******************************************************************************
Thanks, Whoever posted the idea of an Anti-Zimbob
Macro Man
Numb : 28
Title: Incontrovertible Evidence!
From : KIWI
Date : 02-25-86
Time : 08;39
That's right: PROOF of Zimbob's badness, for those remaining few that have yet
to be convinced.
The other day, after Zimbob had broken into my house to steal my silverware, I
announced to him that I was preparing to compress my least favorite cat,
-eardo, and could he please come back later or better yet not at all.
Evidently he didn't hear me over the din he was creating by scooping up my
spoons and cramming them into his shirt pocket, so I repeated my
announcement/request into the megaphone I just happened to be holding. This
time, however, he'd moved on to the refrigerator and was shrieking something
about how shocked he was that I kept my Coke in my refrigerator and not my
oven, and so still didn't hear me.
I ran up to the attic and dug out my trusty gigaphone, given to me by Krill
for my 6.023 * 10^23rd birthday, and ran back downstairs, only to discover
Zimbob sexually molesting a rotifer! I snuck up behind him and giggled my
announcement into the gigaphone at point blank range. (It's hard to keep a
straight face when watching something like that.) When Zimbob finished, he
asked, "Are you going to compress her along the vertical axis or the
horizontal axis?"
Imagine! Not knowing that every cat has its own axis of compression! So I
ripped his lungs out.
--Kiwi
Numb : 29
Title: Zimbob's Prized Possessions
From : KIWI
Date : 02-27-86
Time : 20;21
A six-pack of new-formula Coke.
His "I'd rather be screwing a rotifer" bumper sticker.
My silverware.
A well-thumbed copy of "Hurting People for Fun and Profit" by Hugh B. Bad,
which he stole from B. Dalton's in 1979.
His honorary diploma from Whatsa Matta U., certifying his expertise as a
kitten-strangler.
His fusion-powered Coke-kiln, which can heat a Coke to 20000 degrees Kelvin in
under five minutes.
A jar containing the claws from the first cat he ever de-clawed.
A jar containing the piece of brain that used to be lodged in his head.
His patent for a Helen Keller-shaped chew-toy, programmed to say "wa-wa"
when your dog urinates on it.
His complete collection of every back issue of "Playrotifer".
His copy of the non-aggression pact he signed with the duck-men, dated 3016
B.C.
The knife he used to commit Hari-Kiri with in 1949.
--Kiwi
Numb : 30
Title: Zimbob's Diary
From : KIWI
Date : 03-01-86
Time : 06;13
Contrary to popular belief, Zimbob keeps very accurate records of his badness.
Here is an excerpt from his diary, which should give you some idea of a
typical day in the life of a Zimbob.
-----
January 24, 1986:
07:28 am: Woke up. Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
07:29 am: Didn't give Krill a Coke.
07:35 am: Ate breakfast: Warm new-formula Coke, poached kitten-gizzards, and
Cheerios.
07:36 am: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
10:12 am: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
10:45 am: Didn't give Krill a Coke.
11:33 am: Broke into Kiwi's house, stole silverware, vomited, coughed up
phlegm. Had to clean up vomit and phlegm under death-threat from
Kiwi.
12:18 pm: Came home, ate lunch: Warm new-formula Coke, sliced kittens on rye.
01:40 pm: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
02:08 pm: Slipped on puddle of vomit. Broke leg.
02:30 pm: Didn't give Krill a Coke.
02:59 pm: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
03:10 pm: Went grocery shopping at humane society. Stole two loaves
day-old kittens.
03:40 pm: On bus ride home, picked bus driver's pocket, raped sweet succulent
Swedish rotifer, vomited, coughed up phlegm.
04:16 pm: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm.
05:24 pm: Vomited. Coughed up phlegm. Died.
-----
--Kiwi
Numb : 31
Title: Non-Compression
From : KIWI
Date : 03-04-86
Time : 14;15
Ten things that can't be compressed:
1. Blither
2. Cygnus X-1
3. Zimbob's badness
4. Zimbob's goodness
5. Zimbob
6. No cats
7. Dry cat food (except for "Happy Cat" brand)
8. F^2 Rs U^2 Rs^-1
9. The Compact Edition of the Oxford English Dictionary
10. Euclid's Postulates
--Kiwi
Numb : 32
Title: The answer!
From : DRAGON PRINCE
Date : 03-08-86
Time : 01;48
I know it's hard to believe...But I have isolated Zimbob's badness in `
laboratory experiment...As always, I have kept an accurate journal of my
discovery...Here are my notes:
03/06/86 -EXPERIMENTS IN WARM NEW FORMULA COKE AND IT'S RELATION TO BADNESS-
Experiment 001:
Today I went to the store and bought a sixpack of New Formula Coke, the soft
drink which, when heated to extreme temperatures, seems to be a prime element
of Zimbob's badness. For the good of mankind, I am about to engage in a series
of intense and admittedly dangerous tests, hoping to isolate and identify the
prime element(s) of Zimbob's badness.
Heating the soft drink in a microwave oven for 12 minutes, I have noticed that
it has reached it's boiling point, and is sufficiently warmed to initiate the
next test: My faithful companion and all around guinea-pig, Pee Wee, will now
attempt to taste the heated liquid. Hmm...Odd. The Coke has lost all
carbonation. Could this be in some way related to badness?
Pee Wee has now finished his dish of hot Coke...He's licking the dish...I
wonder if some how, the lack of carbonation is related to Zimbob's
badness...If only we could carbonate Zimbob and see...Wait, Pee Wee is turning
around...He seems a bit larger than he did before undertaking this experiment
for the good of science and goodness everywhere...He looks...He...looks...BAD!
Uh-Oh...He looks REAAAAAL BAD! He looks like...Zimbob! (Except a bit more
furry...) He's coming this way...I can get a chance to observe this new
badness that has manifested in him up close...Wait...Oh my God, where did he
get those teeth?!? Um...Pee Wee? Good boy...Good dog...NO! Stay
BACWEERRGGHH!!! ARRRGGHHH!!!! (Maybe using the word "good" was a poor choice.)
UUURRRGGG...Ur....ruh....
Numb : 33
Title: Im coming for you Zimbob!
From : MACRO MAN
Date : 03-08-86
Time : 04;53
It is I. Bobmiz. I am working on a plan that will bring you to your knees!
This plan is so horrifying... So deadly... So damn BAD... That you will
be crushed under it!
I have Spoken....
Bobmiz
(The Looked-for Deliverer)
Numb : 34
Title: Eureka!
From : RED PIRATE
Date : 03-09-86
Time : 06;39
I have just discovered something badder (god the grammer!) than ZIMBOB!!!
Big! Bad! Leroy Brown.
He's the baddest man in the whole damn town!!!
He's badder than an ol'Zimbob!
And meaner than his bad breath to!
Now, all we have to do is make Zimbob and Leroy occupy the same space and
all our troubles are over with.
Luckly I have my Star Trek Teleporter handy. All I need now is the exact
time (to the millisecond) at which Zimbob will be out buying some more Coke
and I'll have him in my sights.
HEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!!
Red...
(more than just a color, it's a way of life!)
Numb : 35
Title: The end of Zimbob....
From : MACRO MAN
Date : 03-11-86
Time : 01;50
I've finally found a way to destroy Zimbob forever!
Let us watch as he falls into my trap:
The Place.... Kiwi's Kitchen. The Time... Now.
Kiwi is hiding in a corner, hoping to avoid Zimbobs BAD gaze.
Zimbob moves to the cabnets. He opens them. He removes the silverware.
As he is putting the silverware in his pocket, it begins to glow. He
doesn't notice. He goes to another. Uon opening it, He sees the 103 degree
can of new formula coke. He takes its. Before he can open it, His pants
start to smolder, they burst into flame! Out from his pocket come 10 Bill
clones! They had been compressed into silverware form for just this purpose.
They are swarming over him! My GOD! I cant watch! They are devowering his
BADNESS! He opens the coke to replenish his strength. As he takes a drink,
a horrible scream comes from his throat! Its NOT coke! Its Ice-cold
DR PEPPER! It gets spilled on his hands and arms. It eats through them
like acid!
He has fallen to the floor and is moaning loudly. Kiwi does his part.
'You are BAD Zimbob! For this you shall be tormented until time itself comes
to an end, and Coke has vanished into the mists of time.'
Kiwi drags the almost dead Zimbob to the closet. As Zimbob begins to strugle,
Kiwi turns on the VCR. 'NOOO!!!!! Not Monty Python movies!' screams Zimbob.
'Yes,' replies Kiwi, 'And after that, DR WHO!'
By now, Zimbob is wimpering and begging for mercy. I approch.
'Zimbob,' I say, 'Do you know why you have been punished like this? The
Reason is.... sometimes, its BAD to be BAD!'
We are safe from Zimbob now. You may all live your lives in peace. For
Zimbob said to me.....
Ill let him tell you!
Bobmiz
(Returning Home, Never to be heard of again!)
Numb : 36
Title: BAD Zimbob!
From : KRILL
Date : 03-11-86
Time : 10;20
That reminds me of another BAD thing about Zimbob:
HE LIKES ICE-COLD DR. PEPPER!!!
Bad, bad, bad, bad, BAD Zimbob!!!
[Actually in real life, Zimbob DOES like Dr. Pepper! --Kiwi]
Numb : 37
Title: A New Leaf
From : ZIMBOB
Date : 03-16-86
Time : 14;46
Gosh! It's BAD to be bad? I guess that would make sense, wouldn't it? Boy,
I always thought it was GOOD to be bad! Well, in that case, I resolve to stop
molesting rotifers, to stop stealing Kiwi's silverware, to start drinking Coke
at its proper temperature, to stop using the word "foibles", to bring back TC,
to stop sneaking kittens into other people's blenders, to give Krill a Coke,
to stop helping old ladies half-way across the street, to stop smoking Cuban
cigars, to stop talking loudly in restaurants, to stop contracting
dysentery, to stop popping paper bags in fireworks factories, to stop writing
dictionaries for Edic, to start being very far away from Krill, to burn my
collection of Playrotifer, to stop making jokes about leukemia, to stop
invading Belgium, to stop dropping pennies off the Empire State Building, to
stop dropping sixteen-ton weights off second-story balconies, to start writing
my own messages, to stop using Un-Brand prophylactics, to stop taking all of
the newspapers out of the box instead of just one, to finally tell my slaves
about the emancipation proclamation, to stop driving at five miles per hour on
busy streets, to stop reproducing asexually, to stop polluting the gene pool
in general, to return the Holy Grail, to stop publishing crossword puzzles
with no solution, to start eating my food only once per meal, to stop laughing
hysterically at funerals, to stop being chartreuse, to stop being monogamous,
etc., etc., etc., and to stop dying at the end of every message--in short, to
stop being bad!
--Zimbob
Numb : 38
Title: Zimbob?
From : KRILL
Date : 03-18-86
Time : 03;09
So where's that Coke??? You should send it by Purolator Courier, since
they're the only ones that know how to handle Coke. A bottle of Coke should
always be kept in an upright position to ensure proper flavor distribution.
Krill
Numb : 39
Title: Good Zimbob!
From : KRILL
Date : 03-21-86
Time : 20;30
Well, I just got my Coke from Zimbob. Good Zimbob! What a good, good, good,
good, GOOD Zimbob! Mmmmmm... What a GOOD Coke! It sure looks like Zimbob is
living up to his promise to be good. He could've gotten the Coke to me a bit
faster, though. That's what he gets for using USPS instead of Purolator
Courier. This Coke must've spent several days in the mail. Let's see,
where's the postmark....
What?! Zimbob, this was mailed from Cleveland!
THAT'S NOT FAR ENOUGH AWAY!!!
Numb : 40
Title: Cleveland Connection
From : CAPT. ROSS POLDARK
Date : 03-22-86
Time : 02;09
Finally -- the Cleveland connection
has been exposed!
The contraband Coke is first stashed
in contra band instruments and sent to
Washington for propaganda material.
The Coke is then thrown in the Potomac
and drifts out to sea. A Russian spy
luxury cruise liner picks up the Coke &
takes it down through the St. Lawrence
Seaway. After reaching the banks of
the swollen Lake Eire (soon to be the
Eire Plain in 200 years) the Coke is
dumped off the ship. Trained seagulls
ingest the Coke and fly to Zimbob's
lair. He purifies the Coke from the
seagulls' system with an unnecessarily
expensive and complex electrodialysis
unit. After wrapping the
non-Newtonian liquid with
flame-retardant packing, Zimbob mails
the package to Krill.
Numb : 41
Title: Amazing Post!
From : MICHAEL BURTON
Date : 03-30-86
Time : 20;08
Hallelujah, brethren and sisteren! We have WITNESSED a MIRacle!
(A-MEN!)
A BLES-sed event!
(Yes, sir!)
For Zimbob was on the EDGE of a pre-ci-pice!
(I KNOW it!)
His TOES ... were over the rim!
(Tell it! Tell it!)
And below him ... gaped the yawning jaws of HECK itself!
(AAAooooww!!)
And then...
(YES, sir!)
... and THEN...
(TELL us about it!)
... and T-H-E-N...
(Glo-ry! GLO-ry!)
... at the last POSSIBLE instant ... his face burned -- S-U-N-burned, I say,
by the RAGING fires of DARNation...
(Tell it!)
... then came the MIRACLE post from Macro Man...
(Praise Him! Yes, tell it!)
... which PLUCKED Zimbob BACK from that foul chasm of corruption, that
singularity of sina, that dank miasmic den of decadence ...
(Where? Where?)
... and drew him back to salvation, back into the company of his loving
friends.
(Ummm...)
Let us open our hymnals now, to number 911.
Amazing Post, deep and profound,
That changed ol' Zimbob: Wheee!!
He once was bad, but now he's good;
Was cruel, but now he's ... sweet.
No more to pull the tiny legs
From kittens by the ton;
No more to carve a mustache on
Mount Rushmore's Jefferson.
With coins of Lady Liberty
He won't replace a fuse;
Nor tell Imelda Marcos that
She's running out of shoes.
The thought of popping paper bags
At ev'ry SAC airbase
Is now as far from Zimbob's mind
As Buford Pusser's face.
No more to kick the Leaning Tower
Of Pisa, Italy;
Nor take bolts from the Eiffel Tower
Of France's great Pa-ree.
And Adolf Hitler now can't hide
In Zimbob's spare bedroom.
And Zimbob never more will steal
Charles Chaplin from his tomb.
Amazing Post, deep and profound,
That changed ol' Zimbob: Wheee!
He once was bad, but now he's good;
Was mean, but now he's ... neat!