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                /      Part Two of the Journalist Series      \
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                /  A Story from the Book of Discombobulation  \
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                /         Writen By: The Red Pirate           \
                \         of  C.P.U./Black Hand/MCi           /
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                                   Chapter 1
                 'A Modern Day Manifestation of Humpty Dumpty'
                            (Discombobulatory Style)

  Well, it's been many years since this tale your about to read took place, but
I though I ought to share it with you of the younger generation, who never had
the chance to know this story except maybe in the yarns your parents spun for
you as a we'child.  And I'm also telling this to you to preserve the legend and
clear up any fabrications you may have heard.  Because after all, I saw it all,
and I know what actually happend.
                                    ---+---
  Dale "Humpty" Dumpty was a big strong person.  His career ending injury is
beyond being ironic, it more falls in the realm of DISCOMBOBULATION. (spoken
with ominous overtones)
  In the first grade, Dale "Humpty" Dumpty was 5'9" and weighed in at 275
pounds.  Dale's classmates really liked it when he would sit down in a normal
chair and bend or usually break the legs of it.  After 28 chairs, Mr. & Mrs.
Dumpty were phone by the school principal and told that they would have to find
a chair that would hold "Humpty", or else he wouldn't be permitted to attend
school.
  At 6'8" and 420 pounds, "Humpty" was a very big sixth grader.  After 3 days
into the sixth grade, Dale was prohibited from participating in activities on
the play ground because of the results of his playing.  Dale couldn't seem to
undersatand why since all the students seemed to really enjoy his actions.  But
the principal was not at all humored by the basketball backstop being knocked
over, the 12 broken teather ball polls, the hole in the wall of the gymnasium
that "Humpty" had inadvertently caused when he was running after a bouncing
ball, and the cars damaged as a result of him chaseing objects that went into
the street.
  When Dale entered high school, he got into playing football.  He played all
four years at offensive line and was all state-all american all four years.  At
graduation he stood at more thant 7'8" & 600 pounds.
  Turning away from high school Dale at first had his mind set to play football
in college, but eventually opted for the NFL and signed a lucrative 6 year 8
million dollar contract with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
  In his first three years, "Humpty" went to three pro bowls, and helped his
team average 435 rushing yards a game over that span.
  He was simply awesome.
  Midway through his fourth season Dale was playing his usuall awesome
football.  Clearing the way for 385 record first half rushing yards.
  The game was close. It's was early in the third quarter, and the chearleaders
are chearing for Dale at the top of their lungs.
  Dale, little knowing of what is to come, takes up his position for what will
be his last time.

     "BLUE 22!  BLUE 22!  HUUT!  HUUT!" The quarterback yells his calls.
        "GRUNT! GRUNT!" The teams clash.

   Then suddenly;
                        BBBBOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!! Rises from the field.

                        GAAAAASSSSSPPPPPPPP!!!! Rises from he crowd.

                         SILENCE....... Files the air....

  Now, I'll tell ya', it was very unusual thing that happend that day.  It just
wasn't that often that one saw 'Humpty' get knocked flat on his ass.  In fact,
it had never happened before, and from the results it obviously wasn't going to
happen again.
  All of a sudden, everybody stood up and fixed their gaze on the field and the
remains of poor old Dale, and after a moment, a ref shuffles restlessly out
onto the field fo closer examination.
  After a moment of indecision and picking through Dale's head in a weak
attempt to pat Dale's mixed up brains back into his shell, the ref is struck in
the head with a shot of discombobulation and proceeds to make his call...
                                "SCRAMBLED!"

  The discombobulation of the situation then spread out like a massive shock
wave and a whole nation was discombobulated, staring at the twitching form of
the most awsome football player the game will ever know.

  Dale "Humpty" Dumpty's epitaph reads:

        Dale "Humpty" Dumpty played great football,
        Dale "Humpty" Dumpty had a great fall.
        Once he got knocked right flat on his ass,
        And got his brains splattered all over the grass.
        And all the teams docters and,
        All the teams coaches were discombobulated!

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/ This file Copyright (1986) The Red Pirate                                   \
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!--! A Columbus Pirate's Union/Black Hand Release                          !--!
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