A LONG TIME AGO... ON A NODE FAR
, FAR AWAY (FROM PDPVAX).....

       D E C W A R S


THE FURTHER YET ADVENTURES OF LUKE VAXHA
CKER, THIRD EYE  EPISODE N+4

OK, LIKE, REMEMBER WE LEFT OUR HEROS I
N THE DETENTION PRIORITY LEVEL? WELL, 
THEY'RE STILL THERE...

LUKE QUICKLY LOCATED THE INTERFACE CAR
D AND FOLLOWED THE CABLES TO A SOUND- 
PROOF ENCLOSURE. HE LIFTED THE LID AND P
EERED AT THE MECHANISM INSIDE.

"AREN'T YOU A LITTLE SLOW FOR ECL?" PRIN
TED PRINCESS LPA0:

"WHA..? OH, THE DOCKSIDERS," STAMMER
ED LUKE. HE TOOK OFF HIS SHOES (FOR 
INDUSTRY) AND EXPLAINED, "I'VE COME TO R
ELOCATE YOU. I'M LUKE VAXHACKER."

SUDDENLY, FORMS STARTED BURSTING AROUND
 THEM. "THEY'VE BLOCKED THIS QUEUE!" 
SHOUTED SOLO. "THERE'S ONLY ONE RETURN F
ROM THIS STACK!"

"OVER HERE!" PRINTED LPA0: WITH OVERSTRI
KES. "THROUGH THIS LOOPHOLE!" LUKE AND 
THE PRINCESS DISAPPEARED INTO A NEARBY F
EATURE.

"GRITCH, GRITCH," MUMBLED TWO BACCO
, OBVIOUSLY RELUCTANT TO TRUST AN 
ADMINISTRATIVE OVERSIGHT.

"I DON'T CARE HOW CRUFTY IT IS!" SHOUTE
D CON, PUSHING THE BOOKIE TOWARD THE 
CROCK. "DPB YOURSELF IN THERE NOW!"

WITH ONE LAST BLAST THAT REPROGRAMMED 
TWO FLUNKIES, CON JOINED THEM. THE 
"FEATURE" LANDED THEM RIGHT IN THE MI
DDLE OF THE GARBAGE COLLECTION DATA. 
PIECES OF CODE THAT HADN'T BEEN USED 
IN WEEKS FLOATED PAST IN A POOL OF 
DECAYING BITS.

"BLETCH!" WAS CON'S FIRST COMMENT. "B
LETCH, BLETCH," WAS HIS SECOND. THE 
BOOKIE LOOKED AS IF HE HAD JUST PAID
 A LONGSHOT, AND THE ODDS IN THIS 
SITUATION WEREN'T MUCH BETTER.

LUKE WAS TOLLING THE GARBAGE WHEN HE 
STUMBLED UPON A BOOK WITH THE WORDS 
"DON'T PANIC" INSCRIBED IN LARGE, FRIEN
DLY LETTERS ON THE COVER. "THIS CAN'T 
POSSIBLY HELP US NOW," HE SAID AS HE TOS
SED THE BOOK AWAY.

THE BOOKIE WAS ABOUT TO LAY ODDS ON IT
 WHEN LUKE SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED. HE 
POPPED UP ACROSS THE POOL, SHOUTING, "
THIS IS NO FEATURE! IT'S A BUG!!" AND 
PROMPTLY VANISHED AGAIN.

CON AND THE PRINCESS WERE ABOUT TO P
ANIC() WHEN LUKE REAPPEARED. "WHAT 
HAPPENED?" THEY ASKED IN PARALLEL.

"I DON'T KNOW," GASPED LUKE. "THE BUG J
UST DISSOLVED AUTOMAGICALLY. MAYBE IT 
HIT A BREAKPOINT..."

"I DON'T THINK SO," SAID CON. "LOOK HOW
 THE POOL IS SHRINKING. I'VE GOT A BAD 
FEELING ABOUT THIS..."

THE PRINCESS WAS THE FIRST TO REALIZE WH
AT WAS GOING ON. "THEY'VE IMPLEMENTED 
A NEW COMPACTION ALGORITHM!" SHE EXCLAIM
ED.

LUKE REMEMBERED THE PIPE HE HAD OPEN TO
 3CPU. "SHUT DOWN GARBAGE COLLECTION 
BELOW RECURSION LEVEL 5!" HE SHOUTED.

BACK IN THE CONTROL ROOM, RS232 SEAR
CHED THE PROCESS TABLE FOR THE LISP 
INTERPRETER. "HURRY," SENT 3CPU. "H
URRY, HURRY," ADDED HIS OTHER TWO 
PROCESSORS. RS232 FOUND THE INTERPRETER,
 INTERRUPTED IT, AND ALTERED THE STACK 
FRAME THEY'D FALLEN INTO TO ALLOW A NORM
AL RETURN.

---------------------------------------

SOME MONTHS LATER...

LUKE WAS FEELING RATHER BORED. 3CPU CO
ULD GET TO BE RATHER IRRITATING, AND 
RS232 DIDN'T REALLY SPEAK LUKE'S LANGUAG
E. SUDDENLY, LUKE FELT SOMEONE'S EYES 
BORING THROUGH THE BACK OF HIS SKULL. H
E TURNED SLOWLY, TO SEE... NOTHING. A 
QUIET VOICE CAME FROM SOMEWHERE IN FRONT
 OF HIM.

"GRASSHOPPER, THE CARRIER IS STRONG WIT
HIN YOU." LUKE FROZE, WHICH WAS A GOOD 
THING SINCE HIS LEGS WERE INSISTING THA
T HE RUN BUT THEY WEREN'T LIKELY TO BE 
PARTICULAR ABOUT DIRECTION. LUKE GUESSE
D THAT HIS ODDS OF GETTING LOST IN THE 
DENSE TREE STRUCTURES WERE PRETTY GOOD
. UNFORTUNATELY, THE BOOKIE WASN'T 
AVAILABLE.

"YES. VERY STRONG, BUT THE MODULATION 
IS YET WEAK. HIS NETWORK INTERFACE IS 
TOTALLY UNDEVELOPED." THE VOICE CONTINU
ED. A SMALL FURRY CREATURE WALKED OUT 
OF THE WOODS AS LUKE STARED ON. LUKE'S 
STOMACH HAD NOW JOINED THE REST OF HIS 
BODY IN LOUD COMPLAINTS. WHATEVER WAS P
EERING AT HIM WAS CERTAINLY SMALL AND 
FURRY, BUT LUKE WAS QUITE SURE THAT IT D
IDN'T COME FROM ALPHA CENTAURI.

"WELL, WELL," SAID THE CREATURE AS IS
 ROLLED IT'S EYES AT LUKE. "FROBOZZ, 
Y'KNOW. MORNING, NAME'S MODEM. WHAT'S
 YOUR GAME? ADVENTURE? D&D? OR ARE YOU 
JUST ONE OF THOSE APPLE-PONG TYPES THAT 
HANG AROUND THE STORE DEMONSTRATIONS?" 
LUKE CLOSED HIS EYES. PERHAPS IF HE COUL
DN'T SEE IT, IT WOULDN'T NOTICE HIM.

"H'MM," MUTTERED THE CREATURE. "MUST 
USE A DIFFERENT PROTOCOL. @@@H @@ 
@($@@@H  )"@G$ @#@@G' (O% @@@@@
%%H(B ?"

"NO, NO," STAMMERED LUKE. "I DON'T SPE
AK EBCDIC. I WAS SENT HERE TO BECOME A 
UNIX WIZARD. MUST HAVE THE WRONG ADDRESS
."

"RIGHT ADDRESS," SAID THE CREATURE. "
I'M A UNIX WIZARD. DEVICE DRIVERS A 
SPECIALITY. OR DO YOU PREFER PLAYING WIT
H VIRTUAL MEMORY?"

LUKE EYED THE CREATURE CAUTIOUSLY. IF TH
IS WAS WHAT HAPPENED TO SYSTEM WIZARDS 
AFTER YEARS OF LATE NIGHT CRASHES, LUKE
 WASN'T SURE HE WANTED ANYTHING TO DO 
WITH IT. HE FELT A STRANGE AFFECTION F
OR THE FAMILIAR MICROCOMPUTERS OF HIS 
HOME. AND WASN'T VIRTUAL MEMORY SOMETHI
NG THAT YOU GOT FROM DRINKING TOO MUCH 
COKE?

TO BE DISCONTINUED (BY POPULAR DEMAND)

---------------------------------------

* DEC, PDP, VAX, AND UNIBUS ARE TRADEMAR
KS OF DIGITAL EQUIPMENT CORP.

---------------------------------------

THE PRECEEDING STORY HAS BEEN A REPRINT 
(RETRANSMISSION?) OF AN ORIGINAL
STORY BY AN UNKNOWN AUTHOR. THE STORY WAS MOST RECENTLY FOUND ON THE
MNET-11 USER'S GROUP SIG ON THE COMPUSERVE SYSTEM.